


i am the maker of rules (dealing with fools)

by ClarionGlass



Series: everything is fine!! chatverse [2]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Gen, Texting, i'm sure peter doesn't actually text like this normally but he absolutely does it to piss elias off, if you thought wsrtwts was stupid then babey you ain't seen nothing yet, read we should ride this wave to shore first otherwise this one won't make sense, this is just elias venting and then getting bullied by peter lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24878377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClarionGlass/pseuds/ClarionGlass
Summary: Elias Bouchard:Peter.Elias Bouchard:It’s been three hours.Elias Bouchard:I know you’re getting these.Elias Bouchard:Your reticence in answering messages is one of the reasons, and believe me there are many, that I divorced you. Again.Elias Bouchard:There’s no use trying to pretend that you’re not receiving my messages.Elias Bouchard:Not only can I See you, but your read receipts are on.Read at 10:36 P.M.Elias vents to Peter Lukas about unfortunate incidents that happened at work. Peter is hardly sympathetic. Some short ficlets from Elias's perspective during the events of "we should ride this wave to shore":Ch 1 set during wsrtwts chapter 4Ch 2 set post-wsrtwts chapter 14
Relationships: Elias Bouchard & Peter Lukas
Series: everything is fine!! chatverse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800145
Comments: 61
Kudos: 368





	1. tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can only apologise lol

Monday, 7:39 P.M.

**_Elias Bouchard_ ** _ to  _ **_Peter Lukas_ **

**Elias Bouchard:** Peter, I need to talk to you.

**Elias Bouchard:** I’ve had the most infuriating day at work.

**Elias Bouchard:** My Archivist and his little cabal of assistants are being unduly difficult.

**Elias Bouchard:** I assumed that his natural disposition would keep him aloof from the others, but they appear to have grown close enough to...

**Elias Bouchard:** Well, in short, to conspire against me. 

**Elias Bouchard:** I know Jon has hardly ever liked me, but I don't care about that. As long as he can still be turned to the use I need him for, his personal feelings are irrelevant. 

**Elias Bouchard:** In fact, I may need to push him further, to make sure he’s entirely ready when the time comes.

**Elias Bouchard:** Actually, now I come to think about it, I should probably organise the sacrifice of some of his assistants in aid of preparing him. 

**Elias Bouchard:** In any case, please reply when you receive these.

**Elias Bouchard:** Despite the most recent change in our living arrangements, there’s still nobody better to complain to with a glass of scotch.

_ Read at 9:04 P.M. _

\---

10:32 P.M.

**Elias Bouchard:** Peter.

**Elias Bouchard:** It’s been three hours.

**Elias Bouchard:** I know you’re getting these.

**Elias Bouchard:** Your reticence in answering messages is one of the reasons, and believe me there are many, that I divorced you. Again.

**Elias Bouchard:** There’s no use trying to pretend that you’re not receiving my messages.

**Elias Bouchard:** Not only can I See you, but your read receipts are on.

_ Read at 10:36 P.M. _

\---

10:36 P.M.

**Elias Bouchard:** They’re still on, as a matter of fact.

_ Read at 10:37 P.M. _

\---

10:40 P.M.

**Peter Lukas:** can u blame me, elias?

**Peter Lukas:** theres a special strain of loneliness that comes from someone obviously reading ur messages, but not thinking ur important enough to reply 2

**Peter Lukas:** i dont like technology and i dont like talking to people, but at least theres 1 good use for this thing u put on my phone

**Elias Bouchard:** I will not feed the Lonely for you, Peter.

_ Read at 10:41 P.M. _

\---

10:45 P.M.

**Peter Lukas:** booo

**Elias Bouchard:** And stop texting like that! You’re an adult, write like one! It gets on my last damn nerve!

_ Read at 10:47 P.M. _

\---

10:50 P.M.

**Peter Lukas:** well *someones* in a mood

**Peter Lukas:** and ofc u hate it 

**Peter Lukas:** thats why i do it x

**Peter Lukas:** anyway, i know ur not going to deliberately sacrifice the assistants

**Peter Lukas:** they got to u somehow

**Peter Lukas:** idk how but im sure ill be delighted to hear about it

**Peter Lukas:** this is just ur equivalent of a temper tantrum

**Elias Bouchard:** It is not. I just want to express my frustration.

_ Read at 10:52 P.M. _

\---

10:56 P.M.

**Peter Lukas:** uh huh

**Peter Lukas:** so what did they do

**Peter Lukas:** i know ur dying to tell me

**Elias Bouchard:** It started when I went in to deliver a Human Resources complaint to Jon.

**Elias Bouchard:** A statement-giver had made the complaint about his treatment in the Archives, and had mentioned that he’d been having some unquiet dreams, shall I say, since coming to make a statement. I thought it would be best for me to give Jon the complaint in person, so I could be sure of precisely what information he was getting, and how much of it.

**Elias Bouchard:** You’re lucky, with your patron. You don’t expect it to give you any practical advantages.You can keep away from people, certainly, or even send them away yourself, but you have to admit, it’s nowhere near on the same level as what I can do. Ergo, you don’t develop a reliance on it.

**Elias Bouchard:** It’s not that I’m getting complacent--far from it, in fact, but I have much bigger things to keep an eye on, and I’ve always beheld immediate danger. So after two centuries, I’m rather accustomed to not consciously having to think about whether certain things might present a danger to me.

**Elias Bouchard:** And particularly when I’m in the middle of carefully feeding information to a very volatile Archivist, a lot of my attention is occupied.

**Elias Bouchard:** Added to that... well, I’ve told you before how my sight doesn’t quite work at full strength down in the Archives.

**Elias Bouchard:** Oh, I know it’s a stronghold of the Eye, but having the Archivist there, even if he’s only just starting to grow in his powers, does tend to... interfere with things. 

**Elias Bouchard:** So when he asked Martin to make me a cup of tea, I thought it was just a courtesy. A begrudging one, perhaps, but a courtesy nonetheless. Besides, judging from the reactions of the others in the Archives, Martin does brew a nice cup of tea.

**Elias Bouchard:** When Martin brought the tea in, I did get the briefest hint that something was amiss, but nothing too serious--certainly nothing harmful. Besides, Martin, of all people, isn’t capable of dissent on any effective scale. 

**Elias Bouchard:** I dismissed it as the usual coldness of the Archives staff towards me, perhaps resentment at the manner in which Jon had asked him to make the tea. Still, to be careful, I only took a sip.

**Elias Bouchard:** Then Jon encouraged me to drink the whole cup, attempting to guilt me into it. He would suspect something if I didn’t, so I had to finish it.

**Elias Bouchard:** And in my defence, it was very good tea.

**Elias Bouchard:** We finished the meeting, I left the Archives.

**Elias Bouchard:** And I was immediately confronted with the knowledge that I had just drunk a cup of tea containing... ugh.

**Elias Bouchard:** Saliva.

**Elias Bouchard:** Not just one, but all three of the archival assistants had spat in that cup of tea.

**Elias Bouchard:** And my Archivist had encouraged them to do so.

**Peter Lukas:** ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

**Peter Lukas:** thats incredible

**Peter Lukas:** ooooo im elias bouchard, i serve the beholding, i know everything and i only found out i drank a cup of spitty tea after i drank the whole thing

**Elias Bouchard:** If we weren’t already divorced, I’d divorce you again.

**Peter Lukas:** o no

**Peter Lukas:** how could i survive? forced to not have ur company? to be alone forever? woe is me

**Elias Bouchard:** I’m hardly in the mood for this, Peter.

_ Read at 11:08 P.M. _

\---

11:14 P.M.

**Peter Lukas:** ull feel bettr when u get ur revenge 

**Peter Lukas:** need a hand w that?

**Peter Lukas:** plus im gonna steal 1 of them from u anyway

**Elias Bouchard:** I’m more than able to handle my own vengeance, Peter, but I appreciate the offer.

**Elias Bouchard:** And your winning our bet is hardly a given.

**Elias Bouchard:** I will admit, though, that when I made that bet with you, I naturally made it in the expectation that I will win some very specific advantages.

**Elias Bouchard:** But right now, I’m in a frame of mind where I’m almost hoping that you’ll win, instead.

_ Read at 11:16 P.M. _

**\---**

11:20 P.M.

**Peter Lukas:** thats a rare concession from you

**Peter Lukas:** want to just give me one of them?

**Elias Bouchard:** No, not yet.

**Elias Bouchard:** But if you feel at all inclined to come back to dry land and take a look at them, try and pick one to focus your attention on, I would appreciate it.

_ Read at 11:21 P.M. _

\---

11:25 P.M.

**Peter Lukas:** and u still wont tell me what this plan of yours is? what you gain from the bet?

**Elias Bouchard:** No.

_ Read at 11:26 P.M. _

\---

11:29 P.M.

**Peter Lukas:** shame

**Peter Lukas:** still, u wont win it anyway so it doesnt rlly matter

_ Read at 11:42 P.M. _

\---

11:42 P.M.

**Elias Bouchard:** Sorry, I wasn’t really paying attention.

**Elias Bouchard:** Sasha has just found a video that I’m sure she will want to share with the others at work tomorrow. It’ll be such a shame if none of them can access it...

**Peter Lukas:** aw theres my ex-boo plotting revenge

**Elias Bouchard:** Even if your words are deliberately chosen to annoy me, the sentiment is appreciated.

**Elias Bouchard:** Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to send an email to the Institute’s head of IT. 

_ Read at 11:49 P.M. _

\---

> From: **Elias Bouchard <** **elias.bouchard@magnusinstitute.ac.uk** **>** **  
> ** To: **Hannah Wilde <** **hannah.wilde@magnusinstitute.ac.uk** **>** **  
> ** Date: **22 August, 2016 23:48**
> 
> Subject: **IT Server Permissions--Archives**
> 
> Hannah,
> 
> I will need to monitor the server for the Archives, with administrator privileges, for the entire day tomorrow (August 23rd). A severe concern regarding the Internet usage of the Archives staff has been brought to my notice, and requires my immediate personal attention. Please ensure that the protocol is in place to facilitate this request. 
> 
> This will not interfere with the regular operations of your departmental staff. As such, and as this is a matter of some delicacy, I trust that you will handle this request with discretion.
> 
> Thank you in advance for your cooperation.
> 
> Kind regards,
> 
> **_Elias Bouchard_ ** **_  
> _ ** **_Head of the Magnus Institute_ **
> 
> **The Magnus Institute** **  
> ** **VIGILO•AUDIO•OPPERIOR**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from (what else!) Eye in the Sky, by the Alan Parsons Project. I really enjoy the song, but unfortunately it's become an Elias Song (tm) in my mind....  
> I hate Elias so much but I really needed to hear him complain about the spitty tea (and then get bullied further), so here we have... this, I guess! Yes, Elias hijacked the archives internet to piss about with their youtube. No, I have no idea whether or not that's actually possible. No, the Magnus Institute IT department does not get paid nearly enough for having to deal with Elias's bullshit at almost midnight.  
> Also please take the date with a pinch of salt, I truly cannot be bothered looking up actual TMA in-universe dates and the timeline is practically nonexistent in this verse anyway... A coherent timeline? I don't know her...


	2. glitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Elias Bouchard:** And you wonder why we’ve been divorced so many times.  
>  **Peter Lukas:** I don’t wonder  
>  **Peter Lukas:** There’s one reason, and he’s currently covered in glitter  
>  **Elias Bouchard:** You don’t make things easy, Peter.  
>  **Peter Lukas:** I should hope not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the request of a few people on wsrtwts (and because I was going to do it anyway): Elias's reaction to getting glitter bombed in chapter 14! Enjoy :))

5:33 P.M.

**_Elias Bouchard_ ** _ to  _ **_Peter Lukas_ **

**Elias Bouchard:** Peter, I’m not impressed.

**Elias Bouchard:** And don’t you try your little game with the Lonely, I expect your response now.

**Elias Bouchard:** This is serious, and we need to talk.

**Peter Lukas:** Okay, you seem genuinely angry

**Elias Bouchard:** I am.

**Peter Lukas:** Right, I won’t antagonise you further

**Peter Lukas:** What’s wrong?

**Elias Bouchard:** Don’t pretend like you don’t know.

**Peter Lukas:** Elias, I actually don’t

**Elias Bouchard:** If we weren’t already divorced, I’d divorce you again.

**Peter Lukas:** Oh, speaking of

**Peter Lukas:** Did the papers arrive alright?

**Elias Bouchard:** Did

**Elias Bouchard:** Did the papers arrive alright?

**Elias Bouchard:** The sheer audacity that you’d even ask that!

**Peter Lukas:** It’s a genuine question

**Elias Bouchard:** You know what you did.

**Peter Lukas:** I really don’t, that’s the problem

**Elias Bouchard:** The glitter? In the papers?

**Peter Lukas:** The what?

**Peter Lukas:** I only sent you the papers you asked for, so you could frame them for the collection

**Peter Lukas:** There was no glitter

**Elias Bouchard:** Tell that to my hair, my suit, and my entire office.

**Elias Bouchard:** I have had three showers since I got home, and I’m still finding glitter everywhere.

**Peter Lukas:** Hah

**Peter Lukas:** It wasn’t me, but I can appreciate whoever did it

**Elias Bouchard:** _Peter._

**Peter Lukas:** What do you want me to say?

**Peter Lukas:** You can’t be expecting sympathy

**Peter Lukas:** The fact that you have all our divorce papers framed in your bedroom should be testament to that

**Elias Bouchard:** Well, what am I meant to think?

**Elias Bouchard:** You admit you sent the papers.

**Peter Lukas:** Only because you asked for them

**Peter Lukas:** I only put the papers in the envelope, no glitter, promise

**Elias Bouchard:** Well, if it wasn’t you, who was it?

**Peter Lukas:** You realise what you’re saying, right

**Elias Bouchard:** Of course I’ve tried to Know who did it, but I haven’t been able to pin anything down.

**Elias Bouchard:** Hence my conviction that you were involved.

**Peter Lukas:** Whatever

**Peter Lukas:** It wasn’t me, but there’s no convincing you when you’re in a mood like this

**Peter Lukas:** Do you have photos?

**Elias Bouchard:** Why would I have photos? It’s hardly like I want to remember this.

**Peter Lukas:** Can you use your Eye powers to beam the picture direct into my head?

**Peter Lukas:** I need to see you covered in glitter

**Elias Bouchard:** And you wonder why we’ve been divorced so many times.

**Peter Lukas:** I don’t wonder

**Peter Lukas:** There’s one reason, and he’s currently covered in glitter

**Elias Bouchard:** You don’t make things easy, Peter.

**Peter Lukas:** I should hope not

**Elias Bouchard:** Peter, please.

**Elias Bouchard:** There is glitter still stuck to me. 

**Elias Bouchard:** There is glitter on my suit, which I have tried to remove by shaking it, brushing it, and using a lint roller, all to no avail.

**Elias Bouchard:** Every surface I have touched in my house is now sprinkled with glitter.

**Elias Bouchard:** I scratched my head, and glitter fell out of my hair.

**Elias Bouchard:** I am suffering, Peter, suffering a million tiny, multicoloured torments.

**Peter Lukas:** lol

**Peter Lukas:** Who gave you the papers?

**Elias Bouchard:** Jon.

**Peter Lukas:** Would he have done it?

**Elias Bouchard:** ...no, I doubt it.

**Elias Bouchard:** He dislikes me, that much is certain, but he wouldn’t stoop to childish pranks. 

**Elias Bouchard:** He considers himself too mature for that sort of thing.

**Peter Lukas:** You did say he egged his assistants on to spit in your tea

**Elias Bouchard:** He may have said the words, but it was still carried out by the assistants.

**Elias Bouchard:** Tim showed the greatest enthusiasm, in fact. I suspect that Jon made the suggestion not entirely seriously, but the other three took it much too far.

**Elias Bouchard:** They were a menace today, as well. All of the archival assistants seemed to be conspiring to make the biggest mess possible, which was a situation that I did initially think I could take advantage of.

**Elias Bouchard:** I’d Seen that Tim was bringing a cake in, which I thought would be a good sign for the rest of the day. A black forest cake, as a matter of fact, which you know I can’t resist.

**Elias Bouchard:** And it did start well enough. There was some sort of drama occurring when I got to Reception, involving Tim and Melanie. I Knew Tim’s caterwauling wasn’t entirely sincere, he does have a flair for the dramatic, but they didn’t seem to be hurting anyone. 

**Elias Bouchard:** And if they were all in Reception, distracting everyone in the vicinity, at least they weren’t in the Archives, distracting my Archivist. 

**Elias Bouchard:** His abilities seem to be increasing, which is a good sign, but I’m concerned he’s getting too attached to his assistants--and they are getting too attached to him, in turn. As well as that, there seems to be a distinct downturn in the amount of work coming out of the Archives.

**Elias Bouchard:** Still, as long as Jon is coming along, I don’t really care about the rest of them, and the work of the Archives is really just a cover to make sure his powers can develop.

**Elias Bouchard:** So it was something of a relief to see that they were all in Reception, letting him get to it.

**Elias Bouchard:** And as well as that, Melanie knew I was there, but was either too busy with her situation, or was too emotionally compromised by the apparent breakup, to even think of her usual plans for my murder.

**Elias Bouchard:** That’s the price to pay for hiring an archival assistant with an affinity for the Slaughter, I suppose.

**Elias Bouchard:** It was actually quite calming to be around her and not have to be concerned about attempts on my life, as crude as they might be. She is quite direct, is Ms King.

**Elias Bouchard:** I thought I could use this opportunity to capitalise on her rare mood of nonviolence, when the first sign of things going wrong occurred.

**Elias Bouchard:** Tim started singing Total Eclipse of the Heart.

**Elias Bouchard:** That would have been bad enough in and of itself, he can only barely carry a tune in a bucket.

**Elias Bouchard:** But then Martin pulled a lighter from his pocket, which I assumed was so he could wave it in the air like in those concerts. However, instead of just waving the lighter, he lit the pieces of paper he was holding, and waved those.

**Elias Bouchard:** Now, that, I felt immediately.

**Elias Bouchard:** He had set a statement on fire.

**Elias Bouchard:** Naturally, I had to stop him, so I tried to get to a fire extinguisher.

**Elias Bouchard:** As you know, they’ve been dotted around since the Jane Prentiss incident, so there was one in Reception. 

**Elias Bouchard:** As I went to get it, Melanie moved towards me, and as I tried to avoid her, Basira took a step from my other side, and they took the feet out from under me. 

**Elias Bouchard:** I couldn’t help but trip, and I ended up flat on the floor. It was incredibly undignified, and to make matters worse, a number of the Institute’s general staff had come out to see what the noise was.

**Elias Bouchard:** They all saw.

**Elias Bouchard:** But at that point, luckily, Tim stopped (possibly because Daisy had strangled him), and Martin put out the fire. There was only minimal damage to the statement, which was a relief, but I don’t like the fact that it happened.

**Elias Bouchard:** Everything seemed to die down shortly afterwards, though, but I still stayed to make sure nothing else untoward would happen. 

**Elias Bouchard:** The part that really incenses me is that I wasn’t able to make good on my plans to speak to Melanie.

**Elias Bouchard:** I suppose that will have to be put into action on another occasion.

**Elias Bouchard:** So I’m sure you can understand my bad mood when I got back to my office. Still, I had managed to acquire some cake, so the morning wasn’t entirely a loss.

**Elias Bouchard:** The worst of it happened when Jon came to my office about an hour later. Your letter had apparently been misdelivered and had ended up in the Archives, so he had come to deliver it. I made sure to check, particularly considering the events of earlier that morning, and he was telling the truth--or at least as far as he was aware of it. I took the envelope, saw that it had come from you, and allowed myself a brief moment of anticipation, as I was looking forward to revisiting the fond memories associated with each of the divorce papers.

**Elias Bouchard:** Then I opened it, and as you know, all hell broke loose.

**Elias Bouchard:** Glitter, Peter. Glitter everywhere.

**Elias Bouchard:** I couldn’t work like that, I just had to leave.

**Elias Bouchard:** And I Knew that Rosie at the Reception desk was taking photos as I left, with the intention of sending them to other people, and I couldn’t do a single thing about it. 

**Elias Bouchard:** I’ll have to See who has those photos and send out a targeted email on Monday. It won’t do to have those being distributed around the Institute.

**Elias Bouchard:** And now, even when I try to See things, there’s an irritating glint at the corner of my vision that I still can’t brush away.

**Elias Bouchard:** It’s utter torture! The Eye and glitter are not meant to mix, it’s an unending distraction, and when I find the person responsible, what I did to Melanie King will look tame by comparison.

**Elias Bouchard:** I never thought I’d say this, but her attempts at murder are strangely charming, as opposed to getting glitter-bombed.

**Elias Bouchard:** At least her frustration at being constantly thwarted would always cheer me up.

_ Read at 6:14 P.M. _

\---

6:17 P.M.

**Peter Lukas:** Oh good, you’re finished

**Peter Lukas:** Got it all out of your system?

**Elias Bouchard:** I’m not in the mood for your flippancy, Peter.

**Peter Lukas:** I actually do not care

**Peter Lukas:** I’ve read through it all, though, and honestly?

**Peter Lukas:** It’s fucking hilarious

**Peter Lukas:** Beholding, the great Ceaseless Watcher, defeated by a few bits of glitter

**Elias Bouchard:** Hardly defeated.

**Peter Lukas:** Sure, sure

**Peter Lukas:** What did you do to Melanie, by the way?

**Elias Bouchard:** The usual.

**Elias Bouchard:** They’re always filled with so much useful trauma, the archival assistants. 

**Elias Bouchard:** It doesn’t take much to give them the knowledge that brings it all to the surface.

**Peter Lukas:** Hm

**Peter Lukas:** Just humour me, what are your assistants doing at the moment?

**Elias Bouchard:** Drinking.

**Elias Bouchard:** They’re all together, even Jon. It looks like they’re celebrating something at the moment.

**Peter Lukas:** Celebrating what?

**Elias Bouchard:** They’re talking about the debacle this morning. Melanie and Basira appear to be congratulating each other.

**Elias Bouchard:** Well, they might be enjoying my moment of embarrassment, but I still benefited from the encounter.

**Elias Bouchard:** Even if they only brought that cake in as a prop for their larger plans of disrupting the regular goings-on of the Institute, I appreciated it very much. I don’t think they even noticed that some of it was missing.

**Peter Lukas:** Glad you’re taking the small victories

**Elias Bouchard:** Oh, I am.

**Peter Lukas:** You know, someone in your position might wonder why Martin... what did you say? Lit a statement to wave, rather than just waving his lighter.

**Elias Bouchard:** What are you implying?

**Elias Bouchard:** That something more than general nuisance was going on?

**Elias Bouchard:** You have good ideas sometimes, Peter, but certainly not this time.

**Elias Bouchard:** You don’t know what these assistants are like, their main goal seems to be to commit as much minor chaos as possible.

**Elias Bouchard:** Particularly Tim and Melanie, and they seemed to be the major players in this morning’s “entertainment”.

**Elias Bouchard:** And Martin, of all people, definitively does not have the character to do something wilfully destructive.

**Peter Lukas:** If you say so, I’ll take your word for it

**Elias Bouchard:** Quite right. It’s my job to know how all these people think, Peter, you really don’t know what you’re talking about.

**Elias Bouchard:** Oh, this is interesting.

**Elias Bouchard:** Martin has just asked Jon how his time was this morning while the rest of them were up at Reception, to which Jon replied that it was very informative, and was a lot quicker than he was anticipating.

**Elias Bouchard:** There was a bright side to that whole incident after all, as it seems that my Archivist was able to go through more statements without distraction from the others.

**Elias Bouchard:** He’s maturing in his power very nicely, he’s even started attempting to compel information from me in our meetings. 

**Elias Bouchard:** I have high hopes for him.

**Peter Lukas:** Oh, come off it

**Peter Lukas:** You always make yourself sound so important, like you’re carefully manoeuvring all the pieces together to be the first one to complete your ritual, but you’re nowhere near that

**Peter Lukas:** I still can’t believe that you, with all your big words and claims of incredible power, had to go home in a sulk because of a prank

**Peter Lukas:** No, wait, I can believe it

**Peter Lukas:** You know, I’ll have to email Rosie for those photos

**Peter Lukas:** I am one of the institute’s major donors, she’ll give them to me

**Elias Bouchard:** Hah.

**Elias Bouchard:** Good luck opening the email attachment.

**Peter Lukas:** I can open an email attachment!

**Elias Bouchard:** Of course you can, dear.

**Peter Lukas:** It will get opened somehow, anyway

**Peter Lukas:** It’s almost sad how easy winning our bet is going to be

**Elias Bouchard:** Au contraire, Peter.

**Elias Bouchard:** In fact, I think you’ll find it incredibly difficult.

**Elias Bouchard:** They’ve all formed such close friendships in the Archives that it will be almost impossible to sway one of them into the service of the Lonely.

**Elias Bouchard:** My Panopticon is as safe as it has ever been.

**Peter Lukas:** Hmph

**Elias Bouchard:** You know, I’m feeling much better, now.

**Peter Lukas:** I forgot how smug you get

**Peter Lukas:** I preferred it when we weren’t talking

**Elias Bouchard:** You prefer it when nobody talks to you at all, Peter.

**Peter Lukas:** You’re right

**Elias Bouchard:** Well, anyway, I think it’s quite safe to say that I’m going to win our bet.

\---

6:41 P.M

**Elias Bouchard:** What, no snappy rejoinder?

**Elias Bouchard:** I’m glad you’ve come to terms with your impending defeat.

\---

6:52 P.M.

**Elias Bouchard:** Peter?

\---

7:05 P.M.

**Elias Bouchard:** Tch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elias has a wall in the bedroom for framed divorce papers, and another wall for framed marriage certificates. He's a strange, strange little man...  
> And neither of them have a full brain cell! Peter has half a one, at times, and he's pretty sure the archives is behind the glitter bomb, but Elias? Nah, he's so sold on his preconceptions, he'll never put it together ;)  
> I've opened this fic up now, so any time Elias gets completely dunked on in wsrtwts (which will happen fairly often, he deserves no nice things), there's probably going to be a short companion piece over here :)


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